DM

In the inexplicable grey

Of rainy Saturday

My mind is all a whirr

Gossip abounds

A flurry of sounds

It's all a buzzing blur

Sat in the corner

I'm little Jack Horner

As words flow without pause

I'm a voyeur extreme

In a nightmare dream

A lost and lonely cause

Unnoticed I'm not

Strange looks are shot

At the sole man in the room

An awkward half-smile

Disguises the guile

More than the sweet perfume

I'm involved, nonetheless

As discussions digress

From shoes to hair to men

I'm tempted, I find

To denegrate my man-kind

And I almost do, when 

The realisation hits

Suddenly I'm in bits

Turned traitor was almost complete

Shocked at my flaw

Standards so poor

I nervously shuffle my feet

It's a battle of wills

Against their Borg-like skills

What did I almost become?

Assimilating all

My pride took a fall

As I almost turned Dance Mum 

The Narrow House

The Narrow House

You can't evade

The time will come

When the price is paid

By your choosing 

Or by another's hand

A victim of fate

Or meticulously planned

No matter

The outcome is all the same

In the Narrow House

Destined to remain

A calling card

You may or may not get

But don't visit the Narrow House

Burdoned with regret

Carpe diem

Is the popular phrase

An edict, a motivation

For every one of your days

So at the moment

Of the very last sigh

You look back with a smile

And not a tear in your eye

At the final curtain call

We are all the same 

The Narrow House cares not

For your title, creed or name

There's nothing to take with you

So make the memories now

Keep the call of the Narrow House

At bay, somehow

But hey, live every moment

The future's not worth a look

About that eternal boxy place

Simply don't give a fuck

Double P

If I only had one

In the hours of nine to five

Some challenge, stimulation

A task on which I'd thrive

But of course there's nothing

Left to rot in peace

No distractions available

Enthusiasm will cease

And it must be me, I

Am pretty sure it's me, I

Look myself in the eye, I

Can understand the reason why, I

Start to withdraw

Count each and every single flaw

A total that's beyond compare

This number is beyond repair

It's what happens when I go reflective

Lose touch on reality and perspective 

Lie awake at night

Usually between three and five

Need that challenge, stimulation

To make me feel alive 

But of course there's nothing

Just the silence of the night

No distractions available

Until the morning's light 

And it must be me, I

Am pretty sure it's me, I

Look myself in the eye, I

Can understand the reason why, I

Start to withdraw

Count each and every single flaw

A total that's beyond compare

This number is beyond repair

It's what happens when I go reflective

Lose touch on reality and perspective 

Touch lost on all perspective

Won't take much of a detective

To guess the next step, the directive

To bring it to an end, irrespective

Echoes of night

Hearing attenuated

By lack of sight

I listen with interest

In the gloom of the night

The sounds abound

A myriad of noise

All calm and so gentle

Delivered with poise

The softest of snores

Plays endlessly

The rhythm, the backing track

To my insomnia malady

And on the roof tiles

The tapping of rain

Comes, then it goes 

Then comes with vigour again

But the loudest sounds

Are the thoughts in my head

Quite simply deafening

But forever unsaid

Pity the volume

Is beyond all control

No dial to reduce its

Impact or toll

Nothing to do

But cry double f's sake

Guess it's all my own fault

For being awake

Stick

We're having a little compo

Younger brother and me

Put to the test, to be the best

Who'll win? Well, we'll see

Racking up some good scores

With screen shots for proof

The totals are tough, it's just enough

To drive you through the roof

Back and forth the battle goes

A right bloody old ding dong

Neither will give in, come thick or thin

Till said lady's sung her song 

So here am I on a train to Leeds

Giving every ball its dues

Let the sixes fly, not be distracted by

The women with gorgeous shoes 

But enough of my musing

Time to end this tale

Not lose a wicket, back to Stick Cricket

Sorry bro, you know I will prevail

Dimple

Turned down yet again

By the selection board

Of this dull and lonely process

I'm getting rather bored

All I simply wanted was 

A new and better job

May be it's too much to ask

And I should shut my gob 

Just wanted to be occupied

Feel useful here and there

Come in each and every day

And have a purposeful air

I like to make a difference

It's just how I think

But obviously my resume

Creates an unpleasant stink

I get the feeling 

That it's all in my name

I could always talk to deed poll

And play a different game

But that's not how I am now 

And it will never be

One thing I can't hold back on

Is being me, me, me

And don't go thinking

I'm after sympathy

This is me just letting off steam

Not a call for empathy

So I'll slink back to my corner

And not be too obsessed

That once again, yet again

The reject button's been pressed

Ode to my dead leg

Dear dearest dead leg

You're becoming a little bore

Here we are at 5am

I want to sleep and snore

My alarm's due to sound

Forty minutes from now

I'm not in a best place

For Wednesday, somehow

Yes, battered bruised limb

I know it's my bloody fault

For crashing off my bike Monday

In a spectacular somersault 

Blame that sodding tunnel

It's far too narrow and dark

Guess I lost concentration

On my arse I chose to park

Yes, yes, purple-coloured thigh

I can see and feel your pain

But I wish you'd stop complaining

I'd like to go back to sleep again

Spare a thought for lonely bike

In the underground store at work

Wait till I tell it it's for the bin

It'll go berserk

You see, swollen lumpy leg

You'll get better over time

It will all be a distant memory

Forgotten, just like this rhyme

But not so for poor old bike

With handlebars bent and bucked

The only way to describe it

Is well and truly beyond repair

Lacklustre

One word describes my mood today
And it's not a compliment
It's destructive and debilitating
So I've come here to vent

There's a method in the madness
One I hope I'll see
Rather than remaining fixed in place
In this world of apathy

It's weird as it's my Friday
I should be emanating rapturous screams
Enthusiasm and joyfullness
Should be bursting from my seams

But instead I'm Mr Grumpy Pants
This Thursday's child has far to go
To reach any destination
And not be a miserable so and so

So forgive my moans and grumbles
Hope I don't drag you down
In to my pit of endless boredom
Full of whine and whinge and frown

May be now it's all documented
I'll shed this lacklustre air
With spring in step, skip off this train
And in the mirror see no despair

Sandwich surprise

Gather up
The usual faces
Have them stand
In the usual places
Looking for something
Inspiration, may be
Or just a change
From normality
They'll shuffle around
But it remains the same
This lunchtime ritual
Seems a desperate game
What's provided is all
The usual fayre
Do they choose from desire
Or out of despair
But shuffle they do
And peruse the same shelves
In a small crowd
But alone, by themselves
No matter their search
It's all in vain
No miracle here
Just the staid and the plain
They take their pick
And leave in sorrow
And you'll find them
Standing there tomorrow
in their Sainsbury's Local
Or Tesco Express
Why don't you just make
Your own sandwiches, yes?

Love Your Mug

Bleary eyed, slow morning
Stumble out of bed
Peek out between the curtains
Is the sky grey, blue or red?
Click the important button
Get the day on track
Be it long or tall, sweet and white
Or short and deep and black

Do you have a favourite vessel
From which you must consume?
You make a beeline for it
Every time you walk in the room
Is it flowery or funny
Does it give you a huge hug?
Go on, send me a picture
Show me how you love your mug

Do you post them all day, every day
Keeping them coming fast and thick
No matter where, no matter when
Have you even bought a 'stick'?
Can't wait to shout out 'photobomb'?
And give your mush a plug
Go on, send me a picture
Show me how you love your mug

As for me, you may well ask
What's my story, truth or dare
You know, I'm not really fussed at all
I'll shrug, and you'll despair
I'll take it all just as it comes
Relaxed is good, by all accounts
For it's people, not possessions, for me
That's what really counts

Occupied

Catching up via your tablet
Smiling at some tv show
Can't get the answer to eight down
Or reading as we go

Lost in some complex spreadsheet
Closed off from the trip
Headphones soothing softly
In to some daydream you slip

Bored now, flicking through Cosmo
Uncontent, restless it's clear
Eyes closed tight, and dozing
Hoping that your station's near

Or are you me, and occupied
Watching others readily
An endless source of intrigue
Unless the carriage is empty
People spying, yes you are
So I am not alone
And I'll record the details here
Via my HTC smart phone

Conductor calls for tickets please
Breaks the humming hush
Did you catch me watching you
Or did you see me blush

Darkness falls outside the train
I'm not blinded anymore
You go ahead, enjoy your toffee crisp
I am jealous, that's for sure

So you are me, but not occupied
Watching others readily
An endless source of intrigue
And on this train there is plenty
People spying, yes you are
So I am not alone
And I'll record the details here
Via my HTC smart phone

Articulatio genus

Dear Articulatio genus
You are bothering me
(For those not good with Latin
I'm talking to my knee)

Damage has been done, I fear
Playing rugby once again
Now you fill all of my days
With dull ache, and often pain

Getting comfy is a problem
Especially in bed at night
You make me wakefull, restless
I fear this will be my plight

So on this coming weekend
It'a MRI scan number four
Yes, I'm nothing if not greedy
Having damaged both knees before

I quite like the scanner
The white noise hums and grows
It sends me off to beauty sleep
I need the help, god knows

Then while the experts deliberate
Over many weeks or days
On the best course of treatment
I'll try a thousand ways

To get settled in my slumber
Not be restless, toss and turn
For a night that's uninterrupted
I must confess I yearn